The Power of Truth

Will they still love me when they've seen the real me?

I asked myself this question on a Sunday morning drive to a new church I'd been attending for a month. I wanted to be a leader there, make a bigger difference, and help the church amplify its impact and grow. Today I would have my first conversation with the Pastor about this.

But there was a problem. I'm gay, and I felt a mountain of shame about it. I felt different - In a bad way.

Some people believe that being gay is a choice. I knew that I was gay in the 4th grade. I didn't decide in the 4th grade that I wanted to make my life more difficult and go against the social and Christian norms. I didn't talk with myself and say, "How can I make my life more difficult? Oh, I'll be gay, black, and Christian! The trifecta!"  

Most Christian churches see being gay as a sin. Although we are all imperfect, because we're human, being gay is deemed as worse on the "scale of sin." I just made up that term. This article isn't about the church.

I was afraid that if I stood in my truth, I would be rejected and give validation to that voice in my head that tries to convince me that "I am not enough."

I could omit this fact from the conversation. I could talk about growing up in the church and my Dad being an ordained minister. I could shine a light on my high character and integrity. I could discuss my trustworthiness and handling millions of dollars in cash in my career up to that point. I could even mention how I was an expert at creating happier, more productive teams in my corporate career.

I found myself focusing on how to shine the light on the bright spots of who I am, hoping that the conversation didn't go into any of the areas I felt shame around.

Then a few thoughts came to me: This is not how a person with high character and integrity would show up. What behavior am I modeling?

I walked into the Pastor's office and said, "I'm Shermain Melton. I'm gay and want to be a leader here in this church."  

A few of his responses were: Nobody's ever said this to me before, and We love you. He told me that I couldn't be a Deacon, an Usher, or Minister, but I could help do landscaping, be on the security team (watch parked cars), or serve people food in the kitchen.

Side note:  My clients often work with me because I say things that nobody has ever said to them. This leads to them telling me things they've never told a soul.

I had a courageous conversation! I left his office feeling a sense of freedom, happiness, and pride. I boldly declared my truth, unwaveringly stayed in integrity, and grew my confidence.

Remember: Everything you want is on the other side of your next uncomfortable conversation. So is everything you need.

I didn't get what I wanted from this conversation. I got what I needed.

I wanted to get a yes - to be told I could serve as a leader in this church. 

Receiving a no not only reminded me that there are many other churches out there, but it confirmed that my confidence expands when I have scary conversations.

In other words, having scary conversations that align with my truth requires courage, will give me confidence, and will eventually lead to me getting what I want.

There's a deep truth inside of you that you're scared to let out into the world.

You can stand on the sidelines and think about it or step into the arena of truth and play bigger.

Play bigger.

Shermain